Quote of the Day - September 13, 2008

Doesn't Matter!

- Ask-a-Ninja: Most Fatal Thing

Putting Things in Perspective

I am inclined to agree with the Ninja that Doesn't Matter is extremely dangerous. So when something makes me miserable, I'll just image myself being catapulted into the middle of Antarctica... and then curl up on the couch with a warm blanket.

Quote of the Day - September 12, 2008

Ninjas, we study with great masters to become awesome. Crazy people study mirrors to try and find a way out.

- Ask-a-Ninja Question 76: Ninja vs Crazy People

Quote of the Day - September 11, 2008

Nobody panics when things go according to plan. Even if the plan is horrifying.

- The Joker, Dark Knight

Center of Neutrality Becomes Center of Gravity

Geneva, Switzerland - long known as a haven for Neutrals - today became the center of Earth's gravity when a cult of young scientists led by the notorious Stephen Hawking turned on the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) in an attempt to find God, which their cult believes is actually a particle. Tragically, their attempt at unraveling the mysteries of the universe instead lead to the unraveling of the actual universe when the LHC generated several micro black holes. These micro black holes merged to become one mini black hole, which was nonetheless strong enough to shift the center of Earth's gravity close to the LHC itself. One scientist is currently attempting to shut down the experiment, but his hand is at least an inch away from the button and, since time is now passing much slower in Geneva than it is in the United States, it will be January here before he finishes pressing it.

In the mean time, the Italian government has gone on a high state of alert, fearing the black hole's well known appetite for spaghetti may cause it to cross into their territory in search of food.

Please check back at increasingly smaller intervals if you are closer to Geneva than me or increasingly larger intervals if you are further from Geneva than me to get the latest information as this story unfolds.

Quote of the Day - September 10, 2008

Ninjas can slow down their heartbeat and their breathing to appear dead. Crazy people can count to bunny rabbit using made up numbers.

- Ask-a-Ninja Question 76: Ninja vs Crazy People

Quote of the Day - September 9, 2008

Ninjas assassinate dangerous and evil creatures. Crazy people assassinate dinner rolls that look at them wrong.

- Ask-a-Ninja Question 76: Ninja vs Crazy People

What's the Plan?

Things have (amazingly) slowed down at work the last couple of weeks. I'm down to doing three things at once, none of which have hard and fast deadlines. I turned off my alarm clock last week and let my body settle into it's natural rhythm, giving my mind and body a chance to resync and enter some sense of routine. Between that, a good round of Sunday basketball, and the beginning of flag football season, I've had my first "normal" week in a very long time.

With things settling down, a coworker with less experience than me but a similar dislike of sitting idle has taken to calling me every day and asking a crucial question: what's the plan? I understand her frustration. I'm a planner. I like plans. They give me a sense of security. A sense of purpose. Even if the plan it to do nothing, I'm fine. So long as that's the plan. Otherwise, I get antsy because I feel like I'm missing something.

But now that my coworker has come to me several days in a row with this question, I feel like I need some more creative responses. I've already told her that one day, she's going to find an envelope on her desk. On it will be written "The Plan". Now I just need to think of what to put in the envelope. Here's what I've come up with so far:

Blank paper
A picture of FEMA's disaster plan
A copy of the Underpants Gnomes' plan
A copy of the Mayor's to-do list
A lengthy tax-form like document that says "burn after completing" on the last page.
A floorplan

See?! See what I'm doing? I'm planning a mockery of plans. It's ironic. Or sad. I forget which.

Quote of the Day - September 8, 2008

Ninjas have the stamina to fight furiously for days and days and days. Crazy people have the stamina to argue with a piece of macaroni for a year.

- Ask-a-Ninja Question 76: Ninja vs Crazy People

Quote of the Day - September 7, 2008

Ninjas are great at not being seen. Crazy people are great at seeing things that aren't there.

- Ask-a-Ninja Question 76: Ninja vs Crazy People