Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Intelligent Politics

satire

The Democratic National Committee came out today in favor of a new theory known as “Intelligent Politics”. A spokesman for the committee, William A. Blunt, said “We believe that Intelligent Politics deserves equal time in the Washington with conservativism. We believe that conservativism is flawed and that other ideas about public policy should be discussed and explored. Conservativism has many flaws which prevent it from solving the problems that are important to the people of this country. Intelligent Politics is merely an alternative to conservativism that we feel should be considered equally.”

When asked to clarify what Intelligent Politics had to offer, Blunt replied that “Intelligent Politics merely posits that there are better solutions out there than the ones conservatives have come up with. If those alternatives happen to be liberal, then so be it.

“Clearly, conservatives have failed to save Social Security, there are problems in Iraq, and energy costs are rising rapidly which is having an adverse effect on an economy that is still struggling to recover. Conservativism has failed to work here. There must be another way.”

Blunt was asked what other ways there could be. “Vote Democrat. Put us back in charge and we’ll make it all better.”

How? “By not being conservative, of course. Obviously, that’s not working too well for the Republicans. We must engage in Intelligent Politics.”

Fran Weiss of the Podunk Ledger asked about the difference between “Intelligent Politics” and “Liberalism”? “Well, it could be progressive. Or libertarian. It’s just not conservative.”

Asked for examples of Intelligent Politics, Blunt insisted Social Security should not be privatized and that the U.S. should not have invaded Iraq.

Edgar Warren of the City Tribune asked what alternative ideas Intelligent Politics had on these subjects. “Just don’t do it the way the Republicans are trying to do it. Don’t privatize Social Security. Don’t support the war Iraq – but still support the soldiers. You always have to support the soldiers. If the Republicans are doing it, do something else. Because conservativism is flawed, so there must be another way. And that way, I believe, is Intelligent Politics.”

1 Comments:

Blogger Walt said...

The sad thing is, I'm still not quite sure whether that's pure satire or built off of an actual quote.

8/16/2005 11:07 PM  

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