Thursday, April 27, 2006

Quote of the Day - April 27, 2006

Sheriff of Nottingham: Locksley. I'll cut your heart out with a spoon.
Robin of Locksley: Then it begins.
Guy of Gisborne: Why a spoon, cousin? Why not an axe?
Sheriff of Nottingham: Because it's DULL, you twit. It'll hurt more.

- Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Quote of the Day - April 26, 2006

" are often scared by attractive women because they remind men they are 'an impulsive, animalistic, material and finite piece of biological protoplasm' and will someday die."

- apparently, the results of a study done at the University of Arizona

President’s Approval Rating Drops into Negative Territory: Scientists Baffled

A poll conducted last week indicated that the President’s approval rating has dropped to –5%, a figure that has scientists and statisticians baffled.

“This simply isn’t possible,” said Dr. Jerry Hathaway of California Institute of Technology. “You can’t have a negative percentage of the population doing… anything. It must be some quantity greater than or equal to zero. Any simpleton should be able to see that this poll is flawed.”

“It’s obviously some kind of statistically anomaly,” Dr. Zoidberg of the Demos Institute of Mathematics said reassuringly. “Take another sample. I’m almost positive the results will be above zero.”

“No, no, no! You don’t understand!” insisted Dr. Rodney McKay of MIT. “This is bad! This is very bad! It could mean a rift has opened up in the space time continuum. Negative statistics imply that fewer than zero respondents approve of the president. Since that is not possible, it must mean that more than 100% of respondents disapprove of the President. This could mean that people in other universes responded to the poll through a temporal/spatial rift. I have no idea how this could happen, but I just know I’m going to end up having to fix it.”

The White House came out against the poll’s results today, calling them “scientifically unsound”, “methodologically suspect”, and “mind-bogglingly mathematical”.

Dr. Tricia McMillan, who conducted the poll, stood by its findings. “I know these findings seem highly improbable, but you have to understand that anything is possible.”

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Quote of Day - April 25, 2006

Everyone remember where we parked.

- Kirk, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

Husband 1.0

Upgrading from a boyfriend to a husband can be difficult transition.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Quote of the Day - April 24, 2006

Instead of wasting away in front of the tv:

Play sports.
Have picnics.

Of course, after 10 PM, it's dark outside.
And the streets are filled with killers.
So stay inside and watch tv.
It might just save your life.

- Adult Swim lead in

Where's Your Parent?

So, do you think if I wear jeans and a t-shirt to work on Thursday, they'll give me a tour and a goody-bag?

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Quote of the Day - April 23, 2006

Forgive me for the intelligence of my argument; I'd forgotten that you were a Member of Parliament.

- Lord Henry Wotton, The Picture of Dorian Gray