Thursday, April 21, 2005

U.S. Courts Sued for Not Dismissing More Lawsuits

The Bush administrations filed a lawsuits against the United States court systems today, including courts in all fifty states and the federal courts, for not doing more to stop frivolous lawsuits.

White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan stated, “The court system is out of control. The cost of healthcare and the cost of doing business in general in this country is skyrocketing because of frivolous lawsuits. The court system is not doing enough to dismiss lawsuits with little legal standing before they drain the pocketbooks of law-abiding citizens, including the taxpayers themselves.”

Former Attorney General John Ashcroft said, “It’s like they’re letting these things through just to have something to do or have a good laugh. Don’t they realize there are terrorists out there that they should be prosecuting instead?”

McClellan insisted that passing new laws would not fix the problem. “The courts would merely find a way to interpret their way out of following the law as intended. We have to sue them, fight fire with fire, to get the message across.”

Reached for comment, Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid expressed disbelief at the White House’s latest move. “It’s like the system of checks and balances put into place by the Founding Fathers is being tossed aside like a dirty napkin. Military tribunals for “enemy combatants”, eliminating filibusters for judicial appointees, overriding state court decisions with emergency legislation, and now taking on the court system in it’s own territory… Why didn’t we think of this stuff when we were in control in the early ‘90’s? No wonder we lost the election. The Republicans are simply craftier than we are.”

A federal judge is currently considering the case and should decide whether to dismiss it or let it continue within the week.


Anonymous Walt said...

AH HAH! Just to complete it, you should have a Vegas update. You know someone would offer odds for dismissal.

4/21/2005 10:58 PM  
Blogger SpakKadi said...

Vegas odd:

2:1 - Case dismissed outright.
5:1 - Case seen by more than one court.
25:1 - Case gets to Supreme Court
10000:1 - White House wins case, courts create more stringent rules for allowing lawsuits
5000000000:1 Supreme Court reverses 2000 decision and declares Al Gore President

4/22/2005 10:40 PM  

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