Incompetence!

So, my Dad forwarded me an e-mail about the horrors of keeping a GPS in your car - i.e., making yourself a target for criminals who can then use said GPS to find your home and steal even more stuff. I think such tales severely over-estimate the intelligence of criminals.

Case in point: I got to my car this morning to find my driver's side door smashed. I had a car charger plugged into my cigarette lighter, but nothing plugged into the charger. The moron who broke in ripped the charger out of the lighter (but left it behind), couldn't figure out how to open my center console and so only found a tire gauge and some AAA batteries in the top layer, didn't even bother looking in the glove compartment as far as I could tell (the GPS wasn't in there, either. Just the mount. It would take someone many, many valuable minutes to find where I hid that thing. It was still where I put it.), and - in hopes of getting something for all his hard work - stole my 15-year-old backpack where I keep my basketball shoes (size 3 1/2) and football gloves (children's small). There was also an X-Files long-sleeve shirt in there, but I have two of those anyway. I'm sure he'll have plenty of use for those things. If he's eight. :P Moron.

Oh, but the fun does not stop there, friends! No, no. I went to the front desk of my apartment and told them what happened. The guy at the desk (who's wearing a badge labeled "Security") just kind of shrugged and blinked at me like "what do you want me to do?" So I called 911, then asked the guy at the desk if there was a vacuum cleaner I could use to clean out my car or if he knew a number I could call to get it fixed. Again, shrug and blink. Frustrated, I went back upstairs to take care of police and insurance reports. When the police officer asked me if there was security at my apartment, I laughed and cried. My insurance put me on a call back list, so I went back downstairs to ask AGAIN for a vacuum cleaner, because surely maintenance has something, right?

The guy at the front desk was not happy to see me. He looked about ready to yell at me, then thought better of it and instead said something about everybody has their job and he's just security. That set me off. "Yes, you're security, and I'm telling you that my car has been broken into but you act like you don't give s#!$." Yes, I said the word. Out loud. With a raised voice. I pay $50 a month to park in a locked garage to prevent just this sort of thing from happening, and I pay a hefty rent that goes toward paying this guy to sit at the front desk. I've worked those sorts of jobs. I know it's not exciting and I don't envy dealing with unhappy customers. But I had been calm up to that point and, it seems to me, reasonable in my expectations of help of SOME kind. Your job, dude, is to help the people who live here. Never mind that the word "Security" on your shirt implies that you should have some interest when a resident experiences a breach of security. You shouldn't hear someone say "my car got broken into" and act like they just said it's cold outside.

Anyway, he disappeared into the back and came out with the head of maintenance, who was considerably more helpful. He even gave me a cushion to sit on so that I could drive my car the short distance required to get within reach of their shop vac. My car is now cleaner than it has been in months. I now have a plastic bag for a window. Hopefully, I can get that taken care of this afternoon and still have time to buy new basketball shoes before practice tonight.

But if you see anyone wearing a small pair of blue and white basketball shoes and carrying an old black backpack, let me know.

Help Wanted: Minions

Integration and testing is quickly approaching. I’m taking two masters classes during the week. And I’m playing football and basketball on the weekends. Eating and sleeping have already taken a back seat, and I’m not even into the thick of it yet. Pretty soon, I’ll be squeezing my games in before, after, or even during work, since I’ll apparently be working seven days a week. Homework will have to be completed while waiting for a compile to finish. I’ll need to buy more clothes to space out my laundry days further. But since I probably won't be cooking much, at least I won’t have too many dishes. And that’s assuming all goes according to plan. So I’ve decided that I need minions. Do you think Career Builder would post this?

SpakKadi, a computer engineer currently in the process of taking over a TBD world on which to build her New Society, is seeking minions to do her bidding.

Job Title: Junior Minion
Job Description: The Junior Minion will be responsible for small but inconvenient tasks such as bringing groceries up from the car, changing the sheets, doing the dishes, doing laundry, dusting and vacuuming. With time, responsibilities may expand to include cooking and cleaning the kitchen and bathroom. Benefits include a roof over your head and life lessons about pulling your own weight around here.

Job Title: Technical Minion
Job Description: The Technical Minion is responsible for performing tedious technical tasks that distract from more interesting technical design and problem solving. Tasks may include writing documentation, writing procedures, writing test programs, and supporting small, uncomplicated design components. The Technical Minion may also be used to deflect other designers who have no concept of “schedule” or “hardware limitations”. Benefits include a deeper understanding of the technical details and a trusted place at my side when I’m in charge.

Job Title: Gopher Minion
Job Description: The Gopher Minion is responsible for various tasks that require going to places outside the big four (work, school, home, sports field). Tasks include grocery shopping, going to the bank, gassing up the car, and acquiring food at meal times. With time, responsibilities may expand to include paying bills and shuffling fellow minions from place to place.

Job Title: Chief Minion
Job Description: The Chief Minion will be responsible for SpakKadi’s mental, intellectual, spiritual, and physical well-being. The Chief Minion will assist in coordinating the other minions and act as a sounding board for SpakKadi’s frustrations and ideas. The Chief Minion must be capable of engaging in lively conversations about life, government, religion, politics, society, technology, science fiction, television, movies, and world domination. The Chief Minion must also encourage physical activities for stress relief and physical fitness, and social outings for mental wellness. A sense of humor is required. Experience dealing with intelligent, ambitious women a plus. Must be willing to go extended periods without seeing SpakKadi during school months, I&T, and basketball season. Yes-men and ego-boys need not apply.

Applicants wishing to apply to one or more positions should contact SpakKadi before she becomes too overwhelmed to form coherent sentences.

We Win!

Those who see me over the next few days will have to forgive me if I shout "WOOOOOO!" at random intervals, because WE WON, BABY! Cue We are the Champions!

It was a long week, but we did it! We went into the playoffs with a 7-1 record (that loss being the night the Hokies played in the NCAA tourny at the exact same time we were scheduled to play our game, so we played with 2nd and 3rd stringers and still only lost by one). We made it to the finals last year and lost to William and Mary. This year, we were better, and we went all the way.

Tuesday was our first game. Our head coach was in Connecticut on business (where's your priorities, man?), which left the fool who volunteered to be assistant coach at the beginning of the season (me) in charge for our game against Texas. When I got to the school, I had no pants in my backpack to play in. Thankfully, I had some emergency pants in my car. The game itself was rough, with lots of yelling and even a near-fight that probably would have gotten a player on the other team ejected any other night of the week (volunteer refs in the first round, paid refs the rest of the playoffs). It was only the second game I've coached, and I had to lecture my team about attitude at the half, but we managed to win and move on to round 2.

I slept 2 hours Tuesday night, and dinner simply did not happen any day this week, so I was already tired for our Wednesday game against Michigan. I was keeping time for the game before ours when some of my teammates arrived. Our point guard offered me some crackers, but I didn't really register what she said. Some part of me knew that I needed food, because I just took the box from her without looking or even knowing what I was doing. I had already shoved some of the crackers in my mouth when I heard her laugh, then I realized I was holding a box of crackers that she had handed me. I coached the first half of our game, then Harry arrived fresh from the airport, so I was back to just being a player. We had a much cleaner game and a good, satisfying win, which brought us to the quarterfinals.

We played Penn State on Thursday. I didn't play much (first five minutes of each half, with maybe a few more minutes in there somewhere), so I mainly got to enjoy the game from the sidelines. One of their players got ejected after two technical fouls. We played our game, nice and smooth, and won by 20.

The semifinals and the finals were both Friday, back-to-back. Our first game against Emory was tough. They wanted to be the Cinderella team, having come into the playoffs with 4-4 record. We wanted another shot at the finals. Toward the end, it was basically a free-throw contest. We won by 2.

At the final, it was a rematch with William & Mary. And let me tell you, I can't shoot. I can barely dribble. But I can defend, and I can endure. The longer I play, the better I play (or maybe I just start to look better compared to those who are tired). And the final game was essentially an endurance test. Which team could handle back-to-back games? Us. By far. With just three girls in rotation (at least two must be on the court at all times), I got more playing time (last year, I didn't even get to play in the final). I got a few rebounds, one of which got me fouled by three opponents with 18 seconds left in the first half. I missed my free throw (dang it!!!!), but made up for it with a blocked shot against someone three times my size just a few seconds later. That's my play of the season (even beating the last second shot against Georgia that gave us a nice even 40 point win). Because everyone else on my team is so awesome, I don't get many memorable plays. It was nice that I got to have one in the final game of the season.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need some sleep.