Help Wanted: Minions

Integration and testing is quickly approaching. I’m taking two masters classes during the week. And I’m playing football and basketball on the weekends. Eating and sleeping have already taken a back seat, and I’m not even into the thick of it yet. Pretty soon, I’ll be squeezing my games in before, after, or even during work, since I’ll apparently be working seven days a week. Homework will have to be completed while waiting for a compile to finish. I’ll need to buy more clothes to space out my laundry days further. But since I probably won't be cooking much, at least I won’t have too many dishes. And that’s assuming all goes according to plan. So I’ve decided that I need minions. Do you think Career Builder would post this?

SpakKadi, a computer engineer currently in the process of taking over a TBD world on which to build her New Society, is seeking minions to do her bidding.

Job Title: Junior Minion
Job Description: The Junior Minion will be responsible for small but inconvenient tasks such as bringing groceries up from the car, changing the sheets, doing the dishes, doing laundry, dusting and vacuuming. With time, responsibilities may expand to include cooking and cleaning the kitchen and bathroom. Benefits include a roof over your head and life lessons about pulling your own weight around here.

Job Title: Technical Minion
Job Description: The Technical Minion is responsible for performing tedious technical tasks that distract from more interesting technical design and problem solving. Tasks may include writing documentation, writing procedures, writing test programs, and supporting small, uncomplicated design components. The Technical Minion may also be used to deflect other designers who have no concept of “schedule” or “hardware limitations”. Benefits include a deeper understanding of the technical details and a trusted place at my side when I’m in charge.

Job Title: Gopher Minion
Job Description: The Gopher Minion is responsible for various tasks that require going to places outside the big four (work, school, home, sports field). Tasks include grocery shopping, going to the bank, gassing up the car, and acquiring food at meal times. With time, responsibilities may expand to include paying bills and shuffling fellow minions from place to place.

Job Title: Chief Minion
Job Description: The Chief Minion will be responsible for SpakKadi’s mental, intellectual, spiritual, and physical well-being. The Chief Minion will assist in coordinating the other minions and act as a sounding board for SpakKadi’s frustrations and ideas. The Chief Minion must be capable of engaging in lively conversations about life, government, religion, politics, society, technology, science fiction, television, movies, and world domination. The Chief Minion must also encourage physical activities for stress relief and physical fitness, and social outings for mental wellness. A sense of humor is required. Experience dealing with intelligent, ambitious women a plus. Must be willing to go extended periods without seeing SpakKadi during school months, I&T, and basketball season. Yes-men and ego-boys need not apply.

Applicants wishing to apply to one or more positions should contact SpakKadi before she becomes too overwhelmed to form coherent sentences.