Sunday, March 19, 2006

Reason #4 I'm Paranoid: People Stare

People stare at me. Children stare at me. Even babies stare at me. Children are the most obvious about it because they haven’t learned yet that this is considered rude or even that the person that they are staring at might see them, too. If I wave at them, they are either startled to realize that I know they are there and try to hide, or they smile and anoint me New Best Friend, at which point I have to hide. It doesn’t seem to matter how I’m dressed or how I’m wearing my hair. I had even stopped noticing that adults do it, too, until my aunt pointed out that people turned to look at me when we walked into the mall (thanks, Ginny, I needed that boost of self-consciousness). I’m fairly certain I’m not malformed. But I’m apparently memorable. Bank tellers (who see hundreds of people a day) that I talk to for five minutes remember me two months later. It’s kind of hard not to be paranoid when people stare at you wherever you go – especially when you don’t know why. Most days, I don’t mind. But sometimes, when I’m in a bad mood and I’ve noticed it five or six times that day already and people who should know better just dwell, or point me out to their friends, I just want to scream “What? Is there a problem? Do you have a question? A death wish? When my eyes are pointed in your direction, it means I see you and is your signal to either say something to me (not your friends) or look away. Comprende?”


Anonymous John said...

Everybody stares at everybody else. It doesn't mean anything. It can be unnerving, but it is generally meaningless. And I think you'll find that it is the dumber people who stare the most and the longest. They generally have nothing going on in their lives, so they look to others to provide something, anything, to break the eternal monotony. Also, five minutes to them is about two seconds in real time, i.e., what normal people experience. So when they stare, it takes a long time for their crainial circuitry to digest what they are seeing - just another person.
Also, they might just be stoned.

3/19/2006 8:14 PM  
Blogger Walt said...

They stare because you're marked. You have to wrap yourself in foil to block the RFID that's implanted in the back of your neck. That, or you just go postal on everyone. That usually goes over well too.

3/19/2006 8:20 PM  
Blogger SpakKadi said...


How am I supposed to communicate with my Martian brethren if I block the RFID signal?


I'm not talking "my eyes have nothing else to do" staring. I'm talking "Whoa! What is that?" staring. For example, my cousin and I were sitting across from each other on some steps in a park. A kid (probably about 8 or 9) walked between us (so he could look at just me or just my cousin, but not both at the same time) and looked at me. Even after he had passed us, he continued to stare at me, something that required that he turn his head as he walked, then to stop walking entirely and turn to face me. He eventually continued on his way, at which point my cousin just shook his head and asked if I knew why people stared at me. So it wasn't a "did you notice that kid staring at me?" moment.

Maybe they're trying to figure out how old I am. I've had two people in the last week mistake me for being under the age of 16. One of them was the car dealer where I brought my car in for it's 30000 mile check-up. "Did someone leave their kid in here?"

3/19/2006 11:52 PM  
Anonymous John said...

That was the "idiot boy of the park".
Every park has one. They grow up to be the guys who sit at the counter or the bar in restaurants or saloons, and give everyone that dull, glazed-over, unwavering, monkey stare when you come in the door.
Also, you might want to try the quilted aluminum foil - double thick!

3/20/2006 7:13 AM  
Blogger Harry said...


Be glad your RFID transmitter is located somewhere in your head. I've been forced to stare at hundreds of women with RFID transmitters implanted in their backsides and bosoms... It's terrible...

3/20/2006 2:47 PM  
Blogger SpakKadi said...


My coat blocks the signals from those RFID tags. I also doubt that people who call me "sir" are paying much attention to those RFIDs, either.

3/20/2006 6:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I remember that kid in the park. He acted as if he had never seen an extraterrestial being before. Heck, anyone can go to the DMV or your average college campus and see otherworldly beings all day long...

3/24/2006 1:13 PM  

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