How to Avoid the Bird Flu
For about the fifth year in a row, the bird flu is an impending threat. It could hit any minute. Really! We're not kidding this time! So here are some tips on how to protect yourself.
1) Keep you chickens clean. Don’t forget to wash them before each meal and after they’ve been playing with other chickens.
2) Don’t kiss your chickens. They don’t have lips anyway.
3) If your chickens get sick, kill one, stew it, and feed it to the others. This will help them feel better.
4) If a chicken sneezes or coughs on you, sacrifice the chicken to appease the gods.
5) Disease spreads more quickly in densely populated areas. Help control chicken overpopulation by eating more eggs.
6) And last but not least, get flu shots for you and your chickens. In case of a shortage, you can use the eggs the chickens produce to grow their own vaccines.
Just follow these healthful tips and you should have a flu-free season. Unless you come into contact with other humans. Then you're just screwed.
1) Keep you chickens clean. Don’t forget to wash them before each meal and after they’ve been playing with other chickens.
2) Don’t kiss your chickens. They don’t have lips anyway.
3) If your chickens get sick, kill one, stew it, and feed it to the others. This will help them feel better.
4) If a chicken sneezes or coughs on you, sacrifice the chicken to appease the gods.
5) Disease spreads more quickly in densely populated areas. Help control chicken overpopulation by eating more eggs.
6) And last but not least, get flu shots for you and your chickens. In case of a shortage, you can use the eggs the chickens produce to grow their own vaccines.
Just follow these healthful tips and you should have a flu-free season. Unless you come into contact with other humans. Then you're just screwed.
posted by SpakKadi at 10:42 PM
1 Comments:
Number 3 reminds me of the foul-mouthed parrot joke (similar to the Aristocrats):
A man passing by a pet store sees a sign for a free parrot. He goes in to inquire and is told that the parrot is free because it is very abusive. The man sloughs it off, takes the parrot home, and is in due course enraged when the parrot calls him a [insert profanity here]. Enraged, the man stuffs the parrot into the freezer. A few minutes later, he takes the parrot out. The parrot clears its throats, apologizes for its behavior, and promises to be an excellent pet and friend. The man says "that's better." "I only have one question for you, sir," asks the parrot meekly, "what did the chicken say to make you angry?"
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