Insomnia Ramblings

Stupid insomnia. Brain won't shut down. It may spew weird stuff, but it won't shut down. Maybe if I write stream of consciousness stuff on my blog, my brain with get bored and pass out.

I need humour, dang it. Why don't I have more humourous things in my apartment? I've read Calvin and Hobbes 217 times already. And Dilbert, Our Dumb Century, and America: The Book are too cynical for 2 am. My book on the English language is fun and all, but I need more laughs per page and less thought.

I'd take the opposite tack and read something totally unentertaining like one of my electronics reference dictionaries, but if I get bored of a book and turn out the light, I go right back to thinking about the things that were distracting me from sleep before I started.

I did a sleep study once. They hook you up to all sorts of wires and monitor your breathing and brain activity during the night. They look mainly for things like sleep apnea and restless leg syndrome. I got maybe an hour and a half of sleep that night. Their diagnosis - delayed onset of sleep. No $@* Sherlock!

It takes me 1-2 hours to get to sleep typically. I actually fall asleep later if I go to bed before I'm sleepy. Also, there is a difference between sleepy, tired, and exhausted. Tired means I'd like to sleep but my brain won't necessarily shut down. Exhausted means both my body and brain don't want to function, but I still can't lose consciousness. Sleepy means I'm having trouble thinking and focusing, but my body may refuse to relax enough for sleep. Looking at "exhausted", I have to wonder what else has to shut down for me to sleep. It's like my body or brain or something is afraid that if I go to sleep, I'll never wake up again. Stupid body, that's only the case when I'm driving! When I'm in bed, it's okay to be unconscious.

I have tried:

cutting out caffeine - I am merely irritable and sleepy during the day and have no more luck getting to sleep at night

exercising - temporarily made my sleep problems worse; once I got use to the activity, I went back to old sleep problems

getting up the same time every day, even on weekends - got to sleep no earlier in the evening, even after two weeks, and was falling asleep on my feet at work. Incredibly not good.

white noise generator - that 1-2 hours is with a white noise generator; it would be 3-4 without it

rotating my sleep schedule - going to bed 1 or more hours later each night until the desired sleep time is reached; tried it four times, never worked

moving to Hawaii - oh, no, wait, I wish

camimille (sp?) tea and sleepy time tea - I hate tea, and it didn't help me sleep

Tylenol - works occasionally, not good to take when you're not actually in pain or for extended periods of time

antihistamines - irritability and restlessness; if I do sleep, it's a drugged sleep, not nearly as restful as it should be

not eating within several hours of bedtime - nope

eating a bedtime snack - nada

reading - see above

writing down the things that are bugging me - you see how well this is working now; I started this at 1:30 am, it's now 2:15 am

purposefully getting a song stuck in your head - now, not only can't you sleep, you have a song stuck in your head

counting - my brain can think about numbers, whether I remembered to do everything I was suppose to do today, whether I should do something I was planning to do, whether I should have done something I didn't do, and whether I should not have done something that I did do all at the same time; multitasking brains are not always a good thing

reciting lists - reduces the number of other things I can think about, but same problem as with counting

and so on...

I've had insomnia since the day I was born, with no exaggeration. Sometimes, it's worse than others. Tonight is worse than usual. Though I think I may finally be getting sleepy. (Watch, as soon as I post, turn off the monitor, and go to bed, my mind will start racing again). Goodnight. Or morning. Or whatever.